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Emotional Eating: Feeding Your Emotions

By Elizabeth Galanti in Emotional Eating, Mindfulness, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

October 2014

Food does more than fill your stomach. It temporarily satisfies feelings and masks them. As you quench those feelings with comfort food when your stomach isn’t growling, that is called, “emotional eating.” Emotional eating is not done as a reaction to feeling hunger – it’s done as a reaction to feeling an emotion.

A key to recognizing the difference between physical hunger and emotional eating is mindfulness. Mindfulness merely means, “paying attention to the present moment.”

Here are 5 tips to recognize the difference:

Physical hunger occurs gradually while emotional hunger comes on suddenly.
With emotional eating, you crave a specific food (e.g. pizza, ice cream, potato chips) and only that food will meet your need. When you eat because you are actually hungry, you’re open to more food options.
Emotional hunger feels like it needs to be satisfied instantly with the food you crave. Physical hunger can wait.
Pause before you reach for a second helping. If you are full and you keep eating – it’s related to emotions.
Emotional eating leaves behind feelings of guilt or regret. Eating when you are physically hungry does not.

Much can be gained by recognizing the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger. Mindfulness is being aware of your body sensations and emotions to realize the type of hunger you are actually feeling.

Pause and ask yourself these questions — you’ll begin to be more mindful of what and how you are eating:

Am I hungry or am I craving a particular food?
Am I actually thirsty – not hungry?
Am I upset – feeling bored – wanting to celebrate – feeling guilty? What am I feeling right now?
If I am feeling emotionally hungry – what am I really craving? Do I need to connect with someone? Do I need to do something to break my boredom that is unrelated to food?
[If I’m eating] Am I full yet? Do I need a 2^nd helping? Do I need to finish everything that is on my plate? Am I still eating because I’m still hungry – or because it is satisfying my mouth?

When you engage in mindful eating — your body will make it clear as to when you are hungry and when you are full. By listening to your body and your emotions, your body will regulate itself to a natural, normal weight for you.

This is not about losing weight. This is about eating and feeling your way to a physically healthy and emotionally balanced lifestyle.

Silent Treatment Speaks Volumes

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anger, Relationships

September 2014

If the silent treatment is a key part of your marriage — your relationship may be endangered. The silent treatment can spell ruin for a relationship.

Researchers say the cold shoulder is the most common way people deal with marital conflict and the most troublesome. Research indicates that when one partner withdraws in silence or shuts down emotionally because of perceived demands by the other or feelings of hurt — it is felt as both emotional and physical pain.

The more this pattern emerges within your relationship, the greater the chances one or both partners experience heightened levels of anxiety. There is also a higher likelihood that both people will begin to engage in practices to emotionally distance the other person.

When I ask a client why they withdraw – they often label the problem as belonging to their partner. They state they have no other choice — that withdrawing is the only way to feel safe. I often hear that it serves as the best way to “punish” the other person – they want their mate to feel the same pain they feel. Clients often express that the silent treatment is a way of displaying anger in a safe and passive way.

The silent treatment is typically a strategy one learns as a child — to shut somebody out and to punish. Pouting, running away and shutting down can be part of normal development as children learn to interact. But it is an outdated strategy that has no place in healthy, adult relationships.

Researchers find that couples that use the silent treatment, experience lower relationship satisfaction, less intimacy and poorer communication, which is also associated with higher divorce rates.

Conflict is inevitable but how you manage it makes a difference. Try these tips to break unhealthy patterns:

Be aware of what’s happening. Each person should ask: “Why am I behaving this way? What do I need to do or say to re-connect with my mate?”
Agree to take a timeout. When the cycle emerges, both partners need to cool their heads and warm their hearts before re-engaging.
Be careful of what you say. You can never take the words back after they come out of your mouth
Use “I” statements. Example: “This is how I feel when you stop talking to me.”
Apologize with sincerity as soon as possible.

6 Natural Stress Relievers

By Elizabeth Galanti in Mindfulness, Stress Management

August 2014

Too much stress is a bad thing. Whether you have trouble sleeping or find yourself becoming more irritable, stress takes a toll on our bodies. It is the leading cause of innumerable diseases, and can be single-handedly responsible for symptoms such as hair loss, high blood pressure, headaches, depression, drastic weight changes, ulcers, and more.

For on-going stress relief — try some of these remedies from nature:

Lavender. If you ever have trouble falling asleep at night, try spritzing some lavender essential oil into the nighttime air. Lavender helps calm anxiety and can soothe the mind and body to help you sleep more soundly. Intrigued? Aromatherapy has been shown to trigger various moods and sensations, and can be used to fight depression, fatigue, anxiety, headaches and indigestion.

My personal favorite — the oils sold by Young Living.

Sweet Potato. What do you normally reach for when you’re stressed out? Probably sweets or salty carbs. Next time, try some sweet potato instead. It will kill your cravings, satisfy your frenzied emotions, and help you digest more slowly due to their high fiber content. Plus, there will be no post-splurge guilt. If you are really craving comfort food, try steamed and mashed sweet potatoes with a dash of coconut milk. Yum!

Chamomile. Chamomile tea has been shown to relax the body and muscles before sleep. It has been used for centuries for its sedative qualities and as an immune booster. Even better, add some raw honey into your tea (once it has cooled to drinking temperature to retain raw honey’s beneficial enzymes) for an additional boost.

Dark Chocolate. A recent study has shown that eating 1.4 ounces of dark chocolate lowers your body’s stress hormones and reduces anxiety. Your brain releases endorphins when you nibble chocolate, so it’s a double-whammy of happiness!

St. John’s Wort. Useful if you’re feeling down-and-out, this herb has been shown to significantly increase mood and attitude in patients with mild depression. It has been used for centuries as a natural anti-depressant.

Peanut Butter. If you aren’t getting enough sleep and are feeling cranky, grab a spoonful of organic, unsweetened peanut butter. Being high in vitamin B6, it helps to regulate blood sugar, which stabilizes mood swings. And, of course, peanut butter is another great comfort food, packed with natural goodness.

Other excellent stress-reducing ideas are regular exercise, prayer, a warm bath and maintaining a personal journal.

Relieving yourself of stress will make your life healthier and more enjoyable.

As always — consult your doctor for questions/concerns related to your specific health needs.

Rough Day at the Office?

By Elizabeth Galanti in Mindfulness, Stress Management, Work Issues

July 2014

Work stress has sky-rocketed but WHY?

Many reports indicate that the majority of companies aren’t replacing workers when they leave a job. Therefore, workloads have increased across the board without more pay. Monster reports that the top stressors are poor relations with the boss, low pay, long commutes and poor work-life balance.

There’s a condition that the Atlantic has dubbed “hyper-employment”. Thanks to laptops and smart phones, we have the ability to be connected 24/7 which wipes us out physically and emotionally.

WORK-STRESS TIPS:

Get enough sleep since lack of sleep can leave you vulnerable to even more stress. When you’re well-rested, it’s much easier to keep your emotional balance, a key factor in coping with job and workplace stress.
Turn off work when you walk through the door at home. This will allow you to practice compartmentalizing work stress and focus on recharging your own batteries through improved family relationships.
Acknowledge your state of mind by sharing your experience of work-related stress with your spouse or friend. And if your spouse shares that they are stressed at work, try and listen with an open heart.
Reduce alcohol intake since alcohol temporarily reduces anxiety and worry, but too much can increase anxiety as it wears off. Similarly, smoking when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed may seem calming, but nicotine is a powerful stimulant – leading to higher, not lower, levels of anxiety.

Take a small step today.

Resentment is like drinking poison & thinking the other person will die

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anger, People Pleasing, Relationships

May 2014

Perhaps you have had an experience where someone hurts you, intentionally or otherwise, and you deny your emotions by shoving them into a box, labeled “I’ll deal with this someday.” However, someday never comes and all the stuff in the box transforms into icky, sticky resentment that begins to burn a hole in your gut.

Letting go of resentment is a 3-legged stool:

1. Practice forgiveness
You cannot control what other people do, but you can control how you react. When you practice truthful living, self-expression, and forgiveness, resentment simply has no place or power in your life. The ability to wholly and truly forgive is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.

Forgiveness sets you free. When you forgive, you stop letting your past dictate your present. When you embrace forgiveness, resentment ceases to exist.

2. Express yourself

To deny your feelings is to deny truth. What kind of life are you living if it is not grounded in truth?

All emotions are good – meaningful – and are meant to be expressed.

When someone hurts you, you have a responsibility to express your pain. You also need to take ownership for your side of the street that might have lead to some of your own hurt feelings. It is your right to express that pain in an effective, healthy manner.

3. Communicate with love
It takes strength and courage to express your pain to the people who hurt you. In doing so, you expose your vulnerable side—the very part that you want to protect and keep safe.

The next time someone hurts you, try telling them how you feel. For example, “When you ignore me, I feel unappreciated.” Choose the right words and tone.

Set a boundary from a calm and balanced frame of mind without a shaming/blaming agenda. For example, “I won’t talk to you on the phone if you’ve had more than 2 drinks.” That boundary is simple and straightforward. Then, stick to it.

Your main motivation for expressing your feelings and setting healthy boundaries is to live life without resentment or regrets.

Where there’s less resentment — there’s more love.

I’ll Never Regret that I’ve Forgiven

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anger, Relationships, Self-Esteem

April 2014

Most people want to let go of their resentments and connect with people genuinely. It feels better to run through the fields in flowing cotton garments — not sit around in pajamas, twisted with bitterness.

It’s one thing to want to forgive someone intellectually – and quite another to actually feel that forgiveness – deep down to the bone.

And forgiveness can be confusing. If you forgive, does it mean that person is off the hook?

It’s as if one part of your brain is saying “It’s all good” and another is saying, “Ah, I don’t think so.”

Here is one client’s story to finding the key to forgiveness:

1. Thoughts Are Linked to Feelings
A few years ago, Chrissie was engaged to be married and she had a nasty argument with her sister with an exchange of angry words. Chrissie’s sister backed out of the wedding party and they hadn’t spoken since.

Chrissie was now pregnant and wanted her sister to be part of her life – but she didn’t know how to forgive her sister and extend the olive branch.

After a few sessions, Chrissie realized that her “I’m not good enough” radar was going off big time. Her hurt feelings were due to what she thought of herself deep down.

She also realized that her anger and resentment were playing a big role to protect her from feeling hurt. All of which blocked her from forgiving.

Like the unpeeling of an onion, Chrissie accessed new layers of understanding as she talked about her thoughts and feelings, such as – she never considered the perspective of her sister. Chrissie said, “I never thought about how hurt my sister must have been. I was always too busy thinking about my own hurt and my anger.”

At that moment, Chrissy stopped blaming her sister for her own feelings of hurt. And, began to inch toward forgiveness.

2. Feelings Need to be Noticed
Many people try to deal with their feelings by ignoring them.

Instead – try this. Just notice your thoughts and feelings — without getting caught up in them. Listen to them without trying to judge or fight with them. Feel them in your body while taking deep breaths to calm those feelings.

Chrissie said, “For years I tried to push down those feelings by working longer hours at work and totally burying them. But, as I increase the attention to my feelings — my anger and sadness decrease.  I feel more understood – which brings me more peace. It’s actually the opposite of how I always thought it worked.”

I’ll Never Regret That I Asked for Forgiveness

After Chrissie reached the place of forgiving her sister – she realized she needed to ask her sister for forgiveness.

The first step was to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs she had done and how those wrongs had affected others. As Chrissie went through this process, I helped her to avoid judging herself too harshly.

Chrissie was now truly sorry for her side of the street and was ready to admit that to her sister.

Chrissie wrote her sister a letter that spoke from her heart — of her sincere sorrow and regret — and then specifically asked her sister for forgiveness. Five months later, Chrissie received a phone call from her sister who expressed her own sorrow, remorse and asked Chrissie for forgiveness.

Chrissie said, “The biggest lesson I learned is that I can’t force someone to forgive me and I have to take responsibility for my own feelings and actions. Getting in touch with my feelings gave me greater capacity for love — love for myself and for my sister.”

Anxiety — Fear — Worry. Oh My!

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anxiety, Mindfulness, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

March 2014

The distinction between “anxiety”, “fear” and “worry” is minimal and often indistinguishable. Whatever your emotional vocabulary, these feelings are uncomfortable, sometimes debilitating and not easy to avoid once they move in.

Unhappiness and discomfort in life is typically fueled by a few emotions; including anxiety, fear, and worry. They may feel like guests who showed up at your door and don’t want to leave. When tragedy or hardship hits, they might tighten their grip, setting up home in your head and heart.

These emotions can wash over you like a tidal wave or be an undercurrent of your daily life. Unrelenting doubts and fears can interfere with good quality of life while sapping your emotional energy.

Sara, a client from years ago, said to me, “I fear failure. I worry about being rejected. And, I certainly avoid making any mistakes. That’s just who I am and I’ve always been with way.”. Sara had difficulty sleeping through the night, was snapping at her husband/children and was eating more due to stress. She sought help from me to experience more joy in daily life, worry less and sleep better

In one of the early sessions with Sara – she asked if we could use scripture verses in our work because they gave her peace, comfort and security — and tied into her identity as a Christian. Together, we chose this verse:
“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:6/ESV)

Sara began to shift into a new reality that she could live life without fear and anxiety in the forefront. She was able to relax her anxious parts and address those fears with a calm and heart-felt interest. Sara began to get to know these uninvited guests with patience and curiosity. As her understanding and compassion for those emotions increased – their grip decreased – and she welcomed them with open arms.

Only when we heal the anxiety/fear and stop trying to make it go away – can we begin to live more fully in the present moment and move into the future with courage, clarity and hope.

Peace be with you.

10 Commandments of Love

By Elizabeth Galanti in Relationships, Self-Esteem

February 2014

Since February is the month of love, I decided to bring you the 10 Commandments of Love, as written by Dr. Stan Tatkin — the author of Wired for Loveand Love and War in Intimate Relationships. He is a teacher, writer, researcher and psychotherapist in the area of couples and secure functioning relationships.

Dr. Tatkin has come up with his 10 commandments for relationship essentials that beautifully capture the most important qualities in healthy relationships.

1. THOU SHALT protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all costs.

2. THOU SHALT base thy relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for thee AND for thine relationship.

3. THOU SHALT appoint thy partner as go-to person for all matters, making certain thy partner is first to know — not second, third, or fourth — in all matters of importance.

4. THOU SHALT not threaten the existence of the relationship, for so doing would benefit no one.

5. THOU SHALT provide a tether to thy partner all the days and nights of thy life, and never fail to greet thy partner with good cheer.

6. THOU SHALT protect thy partner in public and in private from harmful elements, including thyself.

7. THOU SHALT put thy partner to bed each night and awaken with thy partner each morning.

8. THOU SHALT correct all errors, including injustices and injuries, at once or as soon as possible, and not make dispute of who was the original perpetrator.

9. THOU SHALT base thy relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for thee AND for thine partner.

10. THOU SHALT learn thy partner well and master the ways of seduction, influence and persuasion without the use of fear or threat.

For many, these attributes bring about a feeling of safety, love and equality in a relationship.

What about thou? How might thou and thou partner draw closer?

10 Tips to Navigate Conflict in a Relationship

By Elizabeth Galanti in Relationships

January 2014

Try this formula to create a win-win framework for discussing important issues without judgment or blame.

1. Raise the issue at an appropriate time that works for both of you.

2. If it’s not a good time for one of you, set a time/date to discuss the issue.

3. Agree to discuss one issue and stay on track.

4. Begin the conversation by asking your partner to describe how they feel related to the issue. Your role is to listen.

5. When they are finished, respond by re-stating what you have heard. Check with them to see if your understanding is correct. Your role is to understand.

6. Ask open-ended questions to allow your partner to go deeper into their side of the issue. ‘What’, ‘How’ and ‘When’ questions are good. ‘Why’ questions are not allowed. Your role is to clarify.

7. Once you fully understand what your partner is saying, validate their perspective. Stay away from problem-solving. Your role is to help them feel understood.

8. Respond with empathy, such as, “I hear you saying you feel [insert feeling] about this issue. Is that right?” Your role is to build connection.

9. It’s time to switch roles. Ask your partner to use the same structure. Your role is to now share your own feelings openly.

10. If at any point, you or your partner begin to feel triggered and upset – take a time-out and schedule another time to pick up the conversation.

Go in peace.

The Gift of Mindfulness

By Elizabeth Galanti in Mindfulness

December 2013

Do you feel that you live in a busy world with too much to do? In the rush to accomplish lots of tasks, you may find yourself losing connection with the present moment—missing out on what you’re doing and how you’re feeling.

Did you notice whether you felt well-rested this morning? Did you notice the different color hues in the sky as you drove into work this week? Do you ever notice that you sometimes eat when you are not actually hungry?

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and accepting it without judgment.

Practicing mindfulness improves emotional well-being and mental health. It contributes to satisfied relationships, helps you savor the pleasures of life as they occur and equips you for adverse events.

By focusing on the here and now, people who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past and are less preoccupied with concerns about success and self-esteem.

Mindfulness improves physical health by relieving stress, lowering blood pressure, alleviating gastrointestinal problems, reducing chronic pain and improving sleep.

Mindfulness helps you to be more accepting of those around you, albeit family, friends or co-workers. A regular practice of mindfulness deepens your connection and compassion for those you love.

The best thing about mindfulness – it costs you next to nothing and has no negative side affects. It means merely seeking out the opportunity to weave it into your daily life.

I bid you peace.

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