May 2014
Perhaps you have had an experience where someone hurts you, intentionally or otherwise, and you deny your emotions by shoving them into a box, labeled “I’ll deal with this someday.” However, someday never comes and all the stuff in the box transforms into icky, sticky resentment that begins to burn a hole in your gut.
Letting go of resentment is a 3-legged stool:
1. Practice forgiveness
You cannot control what other people do, but you can control how you react. When you practice truthful living, self-expression, and forgiveness, resentment simply has no place or power in your life. The ability to wholly and truly forgive is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.
Forgiveness sets you free. When you forgive, you stop letting your past dictate your present. When you embrace forgiveness, resentment ceases to exist.
2. Express yourself
To deny your feelings is to deny truth. What kind of life are you living if it is not grounded in truth?
All emotions are good – meaningful – and are meant to be expressed.
When someone hurts you, you have a responsibility to express your pain. You also need to take ownership for your side of the street that might have lead to some of your own hurt feelings. It is your right to express that pain in an effective, healthy manner.
3. Communicate with love
It takes strength and courage to express your pain to the people who hurt you. In doing so, you expose your vulnerable side—the very part that you want to protect and keep safe.
The next time someone hurts you, try telling them how you feel. For example, “When you ignore me, I feel unappreciated.” Choose the right words and tone.
Set a boundary from a calm and balanced frame of mind without a shaming/blaming agenda. For example, “I won’t talk to you on the phone if you’ve had more than 2 drinks.” That boundary is simple and straightforward. Then, stick to it.
Your main motivation for expressing your feelings and setting healthy boundaries is to live life without resentment or regrets.
Where there’s less resentment — there’s more love.
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