Archive | Stress Management

6 Natural Stress Relievers

By Elizabeth Galanti in Mindfulness, Stress Management

August 2014

Too much stress is a bad thing. Whether you have trouble sleeping or find yourself becoming more irritable, stress takes a toll on our bodies. It is the leading cause of innumerable diseases, and can be single-handedly responsible for symptoms such as hair loss, high blood pressure, headaches, depression, drastic weight changes, ulcers, and more.

For on-going stress relief — try some of these remedies from nature:

Lavender. If you ever have trouble falling asleep at night, try spritzing some lavender essential oil into the nighttime air. Lavender helps calm anxiety and can soothe the mind and body to help you sleep more soundly. Intrigued? Aromatherapy has been shown to trigger various moods and sensations, and can be used to fight depression, fatigue, anxiety, headaches and indigestion.

My personal favorite — the oils sold by Young Living.

Sweet Potato. What do you normally reach for when you’re stressed out? Probably sweets or salty carbs. Next time, try some sweet potato instead. It will kill your cravings, satisfy your frenzied emotions, and help you digest more slowly due to their high fiber content. Plus, there will be no post-splurge guilt. If you are really craving comfort food, try steamed and mashed sweet potatoes with a dash of coconut milk. Yum!

Chamomile. Chamomile tea has been shown to relax the body and muscles before sleep. It has been used for centuries for its sedative qualities and as an immune booster. Even better, add some raw honey into your tea (once it has cooled to drinking temperature to retain raw honey’s beneficial enzymes) for an additional boost.

Dark Chocolate. A recent study has shown that eating 1.4 ounces of dark chocolate lowers your body’s stress hormones and reduces anxiety. Your brain releases endorphins when you nibble chocolate, so it’s a double-whammy of happiness!

St. John’s Wort. Useful if you’re feeling down-and-out, this herb has been shown to significantly increase mood and attitude in patients with mild depression. It has been used for centuries as a natural anti-depressant.

Peanut Butter. If you aren’t getting enough sleep and are feeling cranky, grab a spoonful of organic, unsweetened peanut butter. Being high in vitamin B6, it helps to regulate blood sugar, which stabilizes mood swings. And, of course, peanut butter is another great comfort food, packed with natural goodness.

Other excellent stress-reducing ideas are regular exercise, prayer, a warm bath and maintaining a personal journal.

Relieving yourself of stress will make your life healthier and more enjoyable.

As always — consult your doctor for questions/concerns related to your specific health needs.

Rough Day at the Office?

By Elizabeth Galanti in Mindfulness, Stress Management, Work Issues

July 2014

Work stress has sky-rocketed but WHY?

Many reports indicate that the majority of companies aren’t replacing workers when they leave a job. Therefore, workloads have increased across the board without more pay. Monster reports that the top stressors are poor relations with the boss, low pay, long commutes and poor work-life balance.

There’s a condition that the Atlantic has dubbed “hyper-employment”. Thanks to laptops and smart phones, we have the ability to be connected 24/7 which wipes us out physically and emotionally.

WORK-STRESS TIPS:

Get enough sleep since lack of sleep can leave you vulnerable to even more stress. When you’re well-rested, it’s much easier to keep your emotional balance, a key factor in coping with job and workplace stress.
Turn off work when you walk through the door at home. This will allow you to practice compartmentalizing work stress and focus on recharging your own batteries through improved family relationships.
Acknowledge your state of mind by sharing your experience of work-related stress with your spouse or friend. And if your spouse shares that they are stressed at work, try and listen with an open heart.
Reduce alcohol intake since alcohol temporarily reduces anxiety and worry, but too much can increase anxiety as it wears off. Similarly, smoking when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed may seem calming, but nicotine is a powerful stimulant – leading to higher, not lower, levels of anxiety.

Take a small step today.

Anxiety — Fear — Worry. Oh My!

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anxiety, Mindfulness, Self-Esteem, Stress Management

March 2014

The distinction between “anxiety”, “fear” and “worry” is minimal and often indistinguishable. Whatever your emotional vocabulary, these feelings are uncomfortable, sometimes debilitating and not easy to avoid once they move in.

Unhappiness and discomfort in life is typically fueled by a few emotions; including anxiety, fear, and worry. They may feel like guests who showed up at your door and don’t want to leave. When tragedy or hardship hits, they might tighten their grip, setting up home in your head and heart.

These emotions can wash over you like a tidal wave or be an undercurrent of your daily life. Unrelenting doubts and fears can interfere with good quality of life while sapping your emotional energy.

Sara, a client from years ago, said to me, “I fear failure. I worry about being rejected. And, I certainly avoid making any mistakes. That’s just who I am and I’ve always been with way.”. Sara had difficulty sleeping through the night, was snapping at her husband/children and was eating more due to stress. She sought help from me to experience more joy in daily life, worry less and sleep better

In one of the early sessions with Sara – she asked if we could use scripture verses in our work because they gave her peace, comfort and security — and tied into her identity as a Christian. Together, we chose this verse:
“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:6/ESV)

Sara began to shift into a new reality that she could live life without fear and anxiety in the forefront. She was able to relax her anxious parts and address those fears with a calm and heart-felt interest. Sara began to get to know these uninvited guests with patience and curiosity. As her understanding and compassion for those emotions increased – their grip decreased – and she welcomed them with open arms.

Only when we heal the anxiety/fear and stop trying to make it go away – can we begin to live more fully in the present moment and move into the future with courage, clarity and hope.

Peace be with you.

Nobody Wins the Blame Game

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anger, Relationships, Stress Management

October 2013

How many times have you said these words, “It’s not my fault, don’t blame me!”? – and then heard these words back from your spouse or partner.

When you are have difficulty in a relationship, you tend to feel vulnerable and find fault with your spouse as a means to protect yourself.

When I work with couples, they often tell me of a recent fight and each of them only remembers the hurtful words from the other person.

Why Does This Happen?
Your psyche is composed of many different parts with different emotions. You might have feelings on opposite ends of the spectrum, “A part of gets so irritated when my husband criticizes me and another part of me just melts when he looks me in the eyes with affection and respect.”

If your spouse judges, criticizes or pulls away from you, it can trigger a Hurt Child part of you that feels sad, worthless or unlovable. Then a Blaming Part of you might blast your partner so you don’t experience the unbearable feelings of the Hurt Child.

When The Blamer gets angry and judges your spouse, it is primarily trying to protect you from feeling attacked. The Blaming Part wants to shift the fault to your partner so your Hurt Child is safe.

Couples are particularly prone to using blame to protect from the emotional havoc of feeling blamed, judged, shamed, unlovable, criticized and/or worthless.

What Can You Do?
A good way to shift out of the blame-game is to make an effort to be aware of your parts and take responsibility for them.

Notice when something comes up inside of you that feels “icky”. Take a time-out. Slow everything down. Feel the various parts emerge.

Be with the Blamer and Hurt Child in a loving way to ease their intensity and pain. This opens up compassion for yourself and for your spouse.

By realizing that many of your fights are the result of parts getting triggered, you can ease the friction to allow for understanding and softness.

Ultimately, you begin to catch the blaming before it starts – and end a game that is always a lose-lose.

Calming the Inner Critic

By Elizabeth Galanti in Addiction, Self-Esteem, Stress Management, Work Issues

September 2013

You likely know it’s there and have some awareness of it. The Inner Critic is that critical or shaming voice inside of your head that evaluates, criticizes, pushes, or critiques you. It might tell you that you are not good enough or that you are too much. It might be more global and say overarching things such as — you’re bad.

That Critic might push you to do/accomplish more — feeling like a slavedriver. Or, it might shame you after you’ve done something “wrong” such as making a mistake, eating too much or getting angry. It might tell you that you’re too big, your needs aren’t important or that you are being a nuisance to others.

If you feel inadequate or awful about yourself — it’s time to focus on your Inner Critic.

I was recently reading the lovely work of Jay Early and Bonnie Weiss (Personal Growth Programs). They have identified 7 types of Inner Critics:

TaskMaster pushes you very hard to accomplish a lot. It wants you to work hard and be successful. It fears that you may be mediocre or lazy and will be judged a failure. It drives you to work harder..

Perfectionist is all about quality of work — mistakes and flaws are not acceptable. This Critic has high standards and it does not want you to be judged, rejected or criticized.

Underminer is very uncomfortable with risk. It tries to undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem and wants you to stay small to avoid failing, being hurt, judged or rejected.

Molder doesn’t allow for individuality and wants you to fit a mold that comes from society, your family or culture. It attacks you for not acting in a certain way and prevents your free expression.

Inner Controller tries to prevent pleasurable, decadent or addictive behavior that might not be good for you; overeating, drinking, sexual activity.  It fears that you will get out of control.

Guilt-Tripper crushes your conscience for some specific action you have taken (or not taken). It tries to protect you from repeating past mistakes by making sure you never feel free.

Destroyer depresses you, making pervasive attacks on your self-worth and shaming you. It makes you feel inherently flawed and not entitled to basic understanding/respect.

The question I hear most often in my therapy room is — “Elizabeth, how do I get rid of that self-critical voice and feel better about myself?” The good news is — you can.

As a start — just begin to notice when the Critic surfaces. Try journaling to begin to clearly hear the words of the Inner Critic without hating it or trying to get rid of it — but rather being interested in it. Allow your memories to drift back to what was going on in your life when the Critic started to surface.

Ask the Critic some questions. Why do you push me like that? What are you trying to do for me? What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t criticize/shame me?

My own Critic criticizes/shames me because it is afraid that I’ll fail. That shaming voice inside my head pushes me to succeed. It started in highschool when I realized that I could gain more love/attention from my parents with my success in school and sports. The critical voice is afraid that if I fail — I’ll lose love from those around me.

When I was age 14, the Critic was helpful in pushing me to do well in those formative years of my life. It was developmentally appropriate for my age and helped me set personal, educational and career goals. Although, four decades later — that Critic has the potential of draining my energy and damaging my self-worth. What do you notice about your Critic?

The first step with the Critic is to notice it. Then the shift to soften it can begin.

Type A’s & Stress

By Elizabeth Galanti in Anger, Depression, Stress Management, Work Issues

June 2013

There is no doubt that work is important in today’s society. People who are hard workers and take their jobs seriously are often rewarded with promotions, bonuses and accolades from family, friends and the boss. Our results-oriented culture admires people who produce – that makes sense.

However, hard work and success can actually become addictive. Without even realizing it, a person driven by success begins to measure their personal worth by how much they get done and how successful they become. Fearing failure and needing to experience the next success, a person may be driven — moving from one success to the next, faster and faster.

Often times, this personality trait is seen as early as grade school or high school. It carries a badge of honor for the youngster to succeed in one or more areas, especially if it results in athletic and scholastic achievements. Teachers, parents, coaches, friends – send the message that “you are somebody” as the child or adolescent begins to equate success to self-worth.

RESEARCH
In the 1950’s, two heart specialists – Rosenman and Friedman – developed the term, Type A. They conducted an 8-year study of middle managers and executives and asked questions such as:
• Do you feel guilty if you use spare time to relax?
• Do you need to win in order to derive enjoyment from games and sports?
• Do you generally move, walk and eat rapidly?
• Do you often try to do more than one thing at a time?

Rosenman & Friedman described Type A behavior as competitive, ambitious, impatient and aggressive. Type A’s tend to have a harrying sense of time urgency. Individuals displaying this pattern seem to be engaged in a chronic, ceaseless and often fruitless struggle with themselves, with others, with circumstances, with time and sometimes with life itself.

RESULTS
Energetic and strong-willed Type A’s become caught in a self-made trap of attempting to hold everything together, trying to achieve greater success, negating the poetic and personal side of life and struggling to answer the question, “Has it been worth the price?” as marriages dissolve, their children grow distant or they are laid off from their beloved job. Type A’s are so focused on the destination – that they treat themselves like machines until they break down one way or another.

The first step is a candid self-appraisal. How many of these beliefs do you hold?

I must always be competent.
I must get everything done on time.
I don’t have the limits of normal people.
I must work hard all the time.
I feel more valuable when I accomplish something.

The second step is to begin to softly shift those beliefs. You might find a phrase to say yourself several times a day that is meaningful to you:

I do not need to work harder than others.
I am a worthwhile person — separate from my work.
I am loved for who I am — not what I do..
I can rest. I don’t have to do it all.
I do not have to control everything.

The third step is consciously take time each day to slow down:

Take mini-breaks throughout the day (stretch, walk, eat lunch with someone).
Take deep breaths and relax your shoulders, neck, jaw, hands when you feel tension increasing.
Set a goal for what time you’ll leave at the end of the day — and stick to it.
Leave your briefcase at work.

I encourage you to reach out to a mentor, spiritual advisor or counselor if you are having trouble making changes by yourself.

I’m here if you need help.

What the Heck is Stress Anyway?

By elizabethgalanti@gmail.com in Relationships, Stress Management, Work Issues

May 2013

Even though it might not feel good, stress is a normal bodily response when you perceive a situation of threat. Stress readies our body for “fight or flight” – also called the stress response. There are several body functions that change when you are stressed – heart rate increases, sweat glands engage, digestion decreases, blood pressure increases. The body is trying to prepare you for a fight or to flee the situation.

Stress is a normal protection mechanism and is an aspect of healthy living when it’s in small, manageable doses. Minor levels of stress are effective in motivating you to study for an exam, focusing your efforts at work to prepare for a big meeting, to get out of the house to rake the leaves on a chilly Fall day and to take the kids shopping for new clothes the week before school starts.

The problem comes when you are in situations where stress is elevated over long periods of time – or stressful events occur frequently – or life hits you like a tidal wave. It’s at this point, that stress can cause damage – physically, emotionally and relationally.

The symptoms of stress overload and burnout are different for different people. If you experience some of the following – you might be in stress overload:

Feeling overwhelmed
Irritation or anger
Fear and anxiety
Depression
Feelings of loneliness
Ongoing worry
Racing thoughts
Inability to concentrate
Difficulty in making decisions
Rapid heart rate
Chest pains
Frequent stomach problems or headaches
Nausea
Change in eating (too much or too little)
Difficulty sleeping or excessive sleeping
Using alcohol, drugs or smoking to relax
Excessive time in front of the TV or Internet
Engaging in activities you later regret (gambling, pornography, chat rooms)

It is always good to see your doctor for a full physical if you experience any of these problems to rule out any physical or medical reasons.

If you recognize that you’re getting burned out – it might be time to focus on stress management. It might be time to focus on you.

Peace be with you,

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