Affairs: Sweet Poison that Destroys Love

The decision to end the affair vs. end the marriage is a common topic in my office.  And, I often hear the unfaithful spouse tell themselves stories that are not grounded in truth.

Common Myths:

• Myth#1:  I’m not hurting anyone. Betrayal is a deep, cutting pain – that burns like acid for years amongst spouses, children and family members.
• Myth#2: Affairs prove there’s no love left in the marriage.  The very act of an affair loosens the bond of the marriage.  It is the affair that kills the feeling of love.
• Myth#3: Divorce is the only option after an affair. An affair is a wake-up call that a marriage is broken. I have seen the beautiful re-birth of marriages, post-affair.

Why Affairs Often Die

• The very zest of what made the relationship spicy fades with time.
• Affair partners tend to realize that what they gave up is more important than what they now share.
• One person realizes their sacrifice was greater than what the other person had to sacrifice, leading to resentment and regret.
• The affair was built on secrecy and lies – making it hard for openness and honesty.

The affair relationship that seemed the pathway to “true happiness” brings about the exact opposite.

6 Steps for the Unfaithful Spouse

1.  Stop seeing your affair partner —immediately.
2.  Keep talking and listening, no matter how painful.
3.  Take responsibility.
4.  Don’t expect forgiveness right away.
5.  Allow your spouse to “check on you” (e.g. look at your phone/computer)
6.  Stop telling lies.

Finding “true happiness” in your life, should not include decimating the lives of those around you.  If the marriage continues to crumble and you decide to divorce — stay faithful until the divorce is finalized.  Don’t hurt the very person who you once told, I love you.